Zafrkancija

UlyssesLMAO: Ovo sa Bloodninjom sam skoro sa stolca opo XD

signed, jedna od najsmijesnijih stvari na cijelom topicu

Dolazi učitelj na drugi sat i piše nešto po imeniku.Vidi da netko nije bio na prvom satu te pita:-Gdje je Ivica!-
-Nema ga!-odgovore učenici,s netko doda-Nije mu još zrasel!-

To se desilo u mojem razredu samo što su neke stvari izmjenjene!

a u razredu mog frenda netko zapalio papirnati avion pa ga bacio,dere se profa tko je to učinio
javi se taj lik: ja sam ga bacio,ne znam tko ga je oborio...

Sjedi covjek na ulici i pred sobom drzi koscice od jabuka. Dodje policajac do njega i pita ga:
Policajac: Sto to radis?
Covjek: Prodajem koscice od jabuka
Policajac: A cemu to sluzi?
Covjek: Pa pojedes jednu i odmah si pametniji.
Policajac: A koliko kosta jedna?
Covjek: 25 kuna...
Policajac: Ok, daj jednu.
Policajac kupi koscicu te je odmah pojede. Nakon par sekundi razmisli i kaze:
Policajac: Hej, pa za 25 kuna mogao sam kupiti 3 kile jabuka i od toga bi dobio najmanje 100 koscica..
Covjek: Eto, vidis da djeluje, odmah si pametniji!
Policajac: Gle stvarno.. Daj mi jos dvije.

Da li je bio onaj sa papom i 7 patuljaka?

Nakon rođenja djeteta,majka i otac odlaze u bolnički podrum da pogledaju svoju bebu...

"Dobar dan doktore,jel možemo vidjeti svoga sina?

"Uđite..tu je vaš sin...no ima nekakvih komplikacija...."

"Pa što je s njim?"

"Pa...ovaj..vaš sin nema lijevu ruku.."

"Ah šteta...no nema veza,moći će živjeti kao i ostala djeca.."

"Hm...pa ne baš. Žao mi je,ali vaš sin nema ni desnu ruku...da..."

"E doktore...nema ni to veze...mi ćemo se brinuti za njega...jel ga možemo vidjeti?"

"Čekajte..to nije sve...naime..vaš sin nema ni... noge...žao mi je..."

"Oh moj bože...ah...naš je...mi ćemo ga voljeti bez obzira na sve...gdje je?"

"Pričekajte...hm...da...ovaj..sad ću ga...donijeti..."

"Hvala doktore...baš ste ljubazni"

Doktor ode u skladište...te se vrati nazad roditeljima...Na stol stavi teglicu(za krastavce) punu vode a u vodi plivaju dva zrikava oka....

"Evo...to je vaš sin...žao mi je"

...otac se digne prema teglici...nasmiješi se te mahne "sinu"---
"Ma ko to mene gljeda...hej...vidi ga što je sljadak mavi:::"

A doktor ga prekine "Uzalud mu mašete...slijep je"


Hehehehehehe...sorry zbog neprimjerene doze crnog humora

Hahahah, ovaj je dobar. Obožavam crni humor.

Evo par crnih viceva:


Kupaju se mama i kćer u rijeci, nakon nekog vremena kćer pita mamu. ''Mama sto ti je to dole'', te pokaže prstom na maminu p***u.
Mama se zamisli pa reče, '' To ćeš ti dobiti kad narasteš ''
Drugi dan ode kćer na istu rijeku kupati se s tatom. I tokom kupanja vidje ona tatin k***c, pa upita, '' Tata što ti je to dolje?''
'' To je k***c kćeri''
''A kad ću ja to dobit''
Tata se zamisli pa reče, '' Čim mama ode na posao''.

                    *        *       *
Ide mala djevočica s roditeljima u šupu cijepati drva.
Kad iznenada skoci zmija otrovnica iz grma i ugrize majku, otac u ljutnji podigne sjekiru da ubije zmiju, pa promaši te sam sebi odsječe nogu i iskrvari do smrti. I tako sjedi mala djevojčica u lokvi krvi kraj svojih mrtvih roditelja, kad naiđe neki čovjek pa upita djevojčicu.
''Joj draga djevojčice što ti je bilo?''
Djevojčica sva u suzama i zamazana krvljuodgovori,
'' Smrc.. isla sam s mamom i tatom cijepati drva, kad strašna zmije skoći iz nikud i smrtno ugriže moju mamu,a tata sav ljut zamahnu sjekirom na zmiju te promaši i sam sebi odsječe nogu...šmrc.. sad sam siroče i neznam što ću''.
Tip je pogleda te izvadi k***c i reče, ''E pa lutkice izgleda da ovo nije tvoj dan''.

Znate kolko beba treba da se prekrije krov kuce?
Ovisi kolko tanko rezes.

gle ovo

Nije bitna veličina,bitna je tehnika!

Da, zato dzukeli i je dosadno

Ima neki blago komični izraz lica ovaj veliki...

možda mu je žao ovog malog, pa je pomislio "Ajde nek mu bude ovaj put."

meni više izgleda ko takni me još jednom i mljeveno si meso

LOL, sta se ovaj mali napinje

Evo jos sa bloodninjom, e, ozbiljnom sam se rasplako od smijeha kad sam ovo cito:

Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an asshole
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: of what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don't f**king laugh at me!
Boy: This sh*t is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a f**king break
Boy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I'm wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are f**king sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: f**k you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren't you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren't
Girl: IM NOT A f**kING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn't you.
Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
Girl: You don't look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go f**k yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bullsh*tting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
Girl: You're a f**king asshole.
Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
Boy: You're right. I'm not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I'm done with you
Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I'll eat your pussy
Girl: You'll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl:???
Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can't be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh...going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy:...still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Boy: I see sh*t nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A f**kING PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a f**king candy apple...
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: f**k YOU ASSHOLE!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy:...going limp again.
Boy: Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!




Jdogg:Hey
QT-Pie:Hey
Jdogg:whats goin on
QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?
Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie:what does that mean?
Jdogg:what are you wearing?
QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.
Jdogg:Garter belt?
QT-Pie:Ummm...no.
Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdoggweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.
Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.




J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
Partner8: Who the f**k are you?
J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
J-Dogg: f**k me, f**k me.
J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
Partner8: Is that like cancer?
J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
Partner8: Good one romeo.
J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.
The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.
Partner8: that was never a haiku.
J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
J-Dogg: So you ready to f**k then?
Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
J-Dogg:...
Partner8:?
J-Dogg: I'm spent.




Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and sh*t. You know, rollin with tha homies and sh*t.
Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6: It likes that.
J-Dogg: aight.
Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh sh*t, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only f**k women...
J-Dogg: sh*t just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
Partner6: You dipsh*t.
J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.





Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa:...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.




Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKateK, but don't tell anybody;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKateo you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKateo you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKateooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninjao you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k




Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugačko.al smješno

Upisi u Google Bloodninja, ja sam jucer ozbiljno plako od smijeha.

HARRRRRRRR je najludji