Smartass Answers

Smart Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

Smart Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Smart Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles, Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,"Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Smart Answer #1:
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart HONEY AND SUGAR! guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."



O moj dragi boze na #1.

UlyssesSmart Answer #1:
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart HONEY AND SUGAR! guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

l000000do #1 je opicen, a ni ostli nisu losi

UlyssesSmart Answer #3
Smart Answer #1

lol!!!najbolji je #1

HAHA! no.1,2,3,4-LMAOLOLOLOLOLOLMAO-5 nisam nesto skontao...,

Kako mu je profesorica odbrusila, LOL; LOL; LOL;

i drugi je dobar

Brojevi 2 i 1 su ipak najbolji.

Ovak prvi znam odavno, al sam se ipak opet nasmijao. Objavljen je na www.vicevi.net i bio je vic dana.....

Al nema mi zesceg nego kad su Groucha Marxa (mog najdrazeg komicara) pitali

"How do you feel about women's rights?
Groucho: I like either side of them."

Evo jos njegovih smartass "odgovora";



Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

Mrs. Teasdale: He's had a change of heart.
[Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.

I sent the club a wire stating, Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put 'Emily, I love you' on the back of the bill.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

A man is as young as the woman he feels.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions-the curtain was up.

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!

There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook.

To Margret Dumont: "I can see you and I married. I can see you bending over the stove. I can't see the stove!

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing..if you can fake that, you've got it made.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Remember men you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed... But we're going back next week.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Prehebeno. Prvi je naj.

Jaspel...kad su Groucha Marxa (mog najdrazeg komicara...

mislimo li na istog Groucha, onog pomoćnika od Dylan Doga?

ako sam u pravo, kako sam se smijao njegovim ispadima za vrijeme čitanja svakog stripa

Imperial admiral

Jaspel...kad su Groucha Marxa (mog najdrazeg komicara...

mislimo li na istog Groucha, onog pomoćnika od Dylan Doga?

ako sam u pravo, kako sam se smijao njegovim ispadima za vrijeme čitanja svakog stripa

misli na bracu Marx, '20.-'49. godine 20. stoljeca... Chico, Harpo, Groucho, Gummo, Zeppo... obozavam njihov humor.

Imperial admiral

Jaspel...kad su Groucha Marxa (mog najdrazeg komicara...

mislimo li na istog Groucha, onog pomoćnika od Dylan Doga?

ako sam u pravo, kako sam se smijao njegovim ispadima za vrijeme čitanja svakog stripa

I da i ne. Groucho iz Dylana ti je stvarno postojao, i ovo su njegovi pravi citati. Ovaj u Dylanu je samo prekopiran, da pojaca i ovako veliku dozu ironije
Al i ovaj iz DD je legendaran. U svakom broju bar 10 njegovih fora

Najbolje mi je kad mu je jednom dosao Dylan;
"Ili je otiaso u kino, ili je mrtav. No nemojmo misliti na najgore. Vjerojatno je mrtav."

Takva ironija mi je fenomenalna

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
Remember men you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Al Bundy spika.

Da, i on rulaa